….dArk silence….

Chahoo bhi to me kese kahu, sari jo bate dil kehta he…. a song from a Bollywood movie Force in my playlist started…

Oct, 27th 2011, Thursday night at 10:00pm, this Hindi song buzzing in my ears, was in joyous mood. I wasn’t aware that these words will become true feelings for me just in a while! The cool breeze was stirring my body, emotions, my mind in a pleasant way! I was not listening to gossiping of my sisters (girls gossip!!) as was more interested in my music! Though I was aware about the talks they had. That night was the most pleasant for my family at least for few initial hours. After a very long span of busy years, we were all together once again, on a family tour.

We were heading towards “Shrinathji” for darshan after thinking of it for many years. My mom had a strong desire for the same. We discussed a lot about traveling options and finally ended up to  go by own vehicle. We hired in “Tavera“, cancelling bus tickets from Ahmedabad. I went to my hometown first for Diwali vacation. My younger sister, after 2 years of her marriage, visited us from Africa. The other two sisters, came from Mumbai where they study, for a Diwali vacation. Thus, we all five sisters, my parents and two other relatives were going for this journey together. We left from the hometown towards Ahmedabad at night after dinner. The car was spacious enough to accommodate all of us. We girls took the back seats to have some more fun.

We were enjoying, talking, listening to music as usually people do during traveling in a group. We took rest twice on the way for a tea break.

After few hours, silence was making its way in the car as all were falling asleep. Unfortunately, I do not feel sleepy during journey although I was trying hard for that! My sisters felt asleep after a while. We crossed Rajkot.  My dad was the happiest fellow this time to see all his family enjoying. We all daughters are his dream, his heroes.

He taught us in each stage of life, advised, inspired us in every single step of life. We knew, he wont express his feelings, but we could see that charm and joy in his eyes. He had planned his life, in such a way that we never get any trouble in our life. He protected us in all aspects.

Finally reached Ahmedabad. My dad changed his place to sit next to driver’s seat (why that happening!). He was enjoying  the old songs from driver’s playlist and played little loud to keep themselves awake!

I saw the roads of Gandhinagar and then, due to darkness once we passed Gandhinagar, I was feeling sleepy finally after hard try and closed my eyes. Same time, my dad took a nap.

Near about 5:30am, we all woke up almost together by a harsh noise!! When I tried to open my eyes, I was inclining down on the front seat. I looked at my sisters who were on middle seat, it was almost curved towards the front of the car. Gradually, in seconds, I realized that we met an Accident!! A heart throbbing moment.

When I am writing this, my heart is running faster, my mind visualizing those vivid scenes like it’s just the live! That dark silent but horrible night! Those hours of grief, sorrow…what we have never ever imagined of!

I heard my sis loudly shouting as ‘papa’, ‘papa’ several times. Next, I heard my mom screaming and crying “save us”, “help us”… I saw my youngest sister crying standing aside on the road as she was also injured in ribs and legs. I got down the car hastily, seen crowd around us. It was dark, so it was hard to see things clearly.

I never wished to write such a real life story here?! My tears will not stop ever.. when its about that devil night……..I will never show these tears to anyone but its always there in my dry eyes!!

I saw my family sitting on that footpath near to the car, so many people stopping my mom from crying, consolidating… One of my sis got injured over her head, she was murmuring something unusual and I just had a scary thought for a while that she lost her memory!! All my sisters and mom got injured in head, legs, ribs and were trying to walk, trying to snatch my dad from the car…

Then I went to see my dad, I made the way towards my dad, from the crowd, I entered finally. My dad struck on the front glass of the car, the glass was broken in particles, the driver made his way to come out of the car. He was also injured on head but was at least conscious unlike my dad. My dad was fainted and wasn’t able to move himself!!!!

Blood was flowing through his head towards neck! I had never seen such a horrible sight ever. I was taken back with wide opened mouth, screamed a little, and suddenly few people snatched me away from there. The crowd somehow, kept my dad on a bad which someone brought from their home on the footpath. My dad was heavily breathing. I was trying to see him, but was scared a little. One of my sis was with me to help me as she is the strongest in all of us. She was used to stay with my dad always, wherever he goes. I was the eldest one and my dad call me his ‘hero’. I and my sis eventually being conscious started to act upon the situation, pulled all the luggage out from the car on the road. One of my sis was half fainted, unconscious. She was crying, while seating on footpath. I told my mom and  then sis to take care of luggage and I rushed to see my dad, for some solution!

It was hard to get into action in such situation. Somehow I thought and called ‘108’ after 5-10 minutes. I saw the rays of home for me in driver’s, dad’s and my moms eyes. They were expecting I would save them quickly. My mom was continuously telling  me to do something. Finally, I burst into tears when I called my boyfriend and just stopped in 5 minutes realizing that I have to be alert and confident for the situation! He helped me with his kind words which gave me the way to proceed. My tears dried in a while. I was moving here and there, to look my dad, my sisters, my mom one by one and telling them few good positive things I was about to do next! I was not sure what was right or wrong at that time but I consolidated them at least that I will save everything, everyone.

I saw a tempo of vegetables near the same footpath and assumed that the driver from that, was escaped in hassle after the accident. All the vegetables were scattered around the place. Fortunately the place was near to Gandhinagar, people of the village were kind and helping us. It was very hard to wait for the ambulance-108 in such situation but didn’t have any option. I called 108 thrice by the time.

I had never seen my family crying in such a helpless manner before!! Why I am unable to stop all this, my mind was struggling between thoughts and reality! It shouldn’t destined yet for us!! I was not able to believe that God can do this with us, especially while we were going to his place.. Meanwhile, I started feeling my own pain in waist, I was unable to walk now but anyhow I managed to ignore it!

After 15 minutes, 108 reached to our place! I and my sis, dumped all the luggage in it, I sat next to driver. Primary treatment started in the ambulance itself! I was just able to see from the glass window where my father was lying. I was constantly watching all of them from here and there. It was a dark silence of my life!

We reached in Gandhinagar Civil Hospital. I ran down immediately with my dad and people carrying him inside for the treatment. The service in that hospital was too slow, don’t know if it was because of Diwali holidays.

Doctors/staff members were less and we were not getting enough service to take care of us! All my family members were sent to primary treatment, x-rays and ‘sonography’ process. I was just trying to be with all of them, from here to there holding some bunch of files, papers with me which were given from the hospital!

I don’t know really why these papers are more important to doctors in such times then that of a patient’s life! There was no stand available for hanging glucose bottles so I was holding that along with my dad on stretcher. After few minutes I felt giddiness and tumbled on the floor! But I rapidly opened my eyes again, rushed towards my dad in that room. My sis was also there helping all of us. One of the sis was on wheelchair, crying loudly, cursing herself as it was all because of her, as the tour was planned by her! I settled her calm. Various treatments were undertaken for all of my family members. As that was a huge hospital, it was hard to run here and there with such pain in my body. My sis had also ignored her pain like me and was helping me. I saw my mom, resting in a corner, with luggage, crying and hoping!

The time passed, I managed to have some breakfast for all of them as we all were feeling very week. I had to be strong so I took some tea and breakfast rapidly.

It was evening now, I decided to transfer my dad to Ahmedabad. We went in a private hospital here. I was always  in ambulances whole day with my dad in stretcher. He was in pain, on the way. His face was more scary now as blood spots were jammed all over it with other scratches.

Finally treatment started at Ahmedabad “Shrey Hospital” at Navrangpura. I was little relaxed. My boyfriend also arrived to Ahmedabad till now. All my friends were helping me around all the ways they could. I was really grateful to them but was unable to talk to anyone at that moment. My friends went to Gandhinagar civil to bring my family to Ahmedabad. The whole day passed in such hustle-bustle and journeys. Nevertheless, I can still feel all this, I haven’t shared all these to anyone…

The very first night in the hospital was horrible for me. My dad wasn’t allowed to drink water or eat anything. He was very thirsty. Blood was clotted on his mouth, lips and head. I was serving him throughout the night. Continuous calls from my relatives were disturbing. I was alone to handle all the things but I was confident enough to handle the situation.

One week passed in hospital, medicals, treatments, reports etc. My relatives, colleagues, friends visited the hospital and I was somehow feeling supported. My dad was talking now, eating liquid food and was recovering gradually, day by day! Our hope was strong!

Meanwhile, the treatment for rest of the members was in process. They also had x-rays again, fracture in legs etc. My Mom was blank from that day but was getting cured gradually from the situation as she visited hospital.

Finally my dad was discharged, and we went to our hometown. After a long time, I tried to come back to the routine, joined my work. All were almost recovered from the injuries and were coming back to normal life. Two more days passed when my family went to hometown with my dad. I told my dad to come back to Ahmedabad when he is completely recovered as he was wishing to see my office, some hotels and many more things we always discussed. Those days BRTS was new in the city, hence I wanted to travel in that with my father.

I was worrying about all yet as they went back but I had to join my work.

On 10th Nov, 2011, I got the phone call in early morning at around 7am from my sis that “papa is breathing heavily. He can not speak, cough is increasing. I called the doctors.” She was about to cry.  I told her and my mom to give him some oxygen through mouth.

From here, I contacted many of the doctors of my hometown. My family called 108 again to take him to the hospital. But all in vein! The 108 people reached and told them that ‘HE IS NO MORE!”

My mom burst into tears, my all the relatives gathered at my home in a just few minutes.

I was still on the calls with every doctor I could contact with. I was feeling useless, helpless that time.

I shouted to my sis when called again as she said he is no more. “Its not going to happen, stop such loud crying, dad doesn’t like it all, don’t you know, fools there?  come back to Ahmedabad, we will try more hard…my tears were rolling down, suddenly pausing, again rolling and stopping…
I was trying to control myself hard so that I could talk to my mom, sis all…

After 2 hours, I rushed to my hometown, with my sis who was with me in Ahmedabad, in the car. She was like insane at that time and was difficult to be handled! I lied to her that our father is treated well and is breathing now. Thus she came back in reality again and started talking normally. I was not able to reveal the truth again in front of her. My mind was struggling to hide the truth from her as well as trying to stop my tears.

Finally after 6 hours, I reached my hometown! I ran from the car to see my dad, hoping that I will definitely cure my dad, take him with me to Ahmedabad for better treatment. Though I was aware with the reality but wasn’t in condition to accept it! My sis tried a lot to explain me. My mom was eagerly waiting for me. I saw the large crowd at my home as I entered, all in white clothes!

Noise of crying, that tradition after the death, that ambulance, quick decision to burn him and take him to seminary, screaming of my sis, mom, grand ma, all were hurting me at the same time. I was still as I entered and was not able to think anything. I rushed towards him, tried to wake up my dad, shook him lot but he didn’t move!!!!!

People around there including some stupid relatives were shocked by watching us daughters(girls!) doing all the traditions after the death! They also told us few bitter words as usual! Consolidated us, fake! But those ‘words’ were ‘nothing’ for us seriously as we were the heroes to our dad and didn’t hope any so called brother to do it for us!!

Why I am writing this here in the blog because the situation for me is like the words of a song I wrote in beginning of my post! What to write more??

3 thoughts on “….dArk silence….

  1. it ws really a horrible….even my eyes r supposed to wet aft read dis…u r really a strong girl so handle all dis n act a son…

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